Restoring Innocence
by queencrestah
Summary: "Clove!" I shouted as I quickly reached the cornucopia. Suddenly the flashbacks hit me like a rolling wave. I went under. (Cato's POV. Oneshot. What could have happened if he let his walls down?)


RESTORING INNOCENCE.

"Cato!" I heard Clove scream. This is not good.

"Cato! Cato!" she screamed again, louder this time. I stayed in the woods not knowing what to do. Both of District 12 could be out there, and not to mention that bulk of a guy from 11. But Clove is dying, and I was not trained to cower from a fight. So I ran.

"Clove!" I shouted as I quickly reached the cornucopia. Suddenly the flashbacks hit me like a rolling wave. I went under.

It was our first day in the Capitol. And for some unknown reason, I woke up in the middle of the night, uneasy. I slowly got up, swearing silently because I ruined my own sleep, and got out of my bedroom.

The lights in the living room were on, and I saw Clove sitting on a plush armchair facing the window. She must have moved it from the living room. Her hair was not in its usual knot, and it was flowing down her shoulders gently. She looked so small in that big purple armchair, I could have thought she's a child.

I lifted a chair easily and sat next to her. She didn't even blink her eyes.

"Not surprised, midget?" I asked. She grimaced, but kept her eyes straight ahead.

"What do you want, airhead? I got here first. Go away." she said, her tone venomous.

"Can't sleep. That sucks, you know." I said in a bored tone. I didn't go away. We stayed in an awkward silence until she cleared her throat.

"How many do you think you'd kill?" she asked casually, like she wanted to know my favorite color.

"Ten at best, I think. You?" I surprised myself by being bothered at how normal our conversation sounds. She shrugged.

"What?" I asked, curious. There's something else in her dark eyes.

"I don't know. Sometimes… I'm tired, Cato."- I jumped at hearing my name-"Sometimes I want to drop everything and just run until my lungs nearly burst and my feet's sore. There's even a day when I woke up with one thought in mind, _that I wanted to restore the innocence I've lost at such a young age."_ her words ran out of her faster than she'd expected. When she finished, she bit down her lip hard, obviously regretting.

I tremble inside. My walls almost gave way, almost set free the scared and tired boy I've been locking up for a long time. Well, almost. And besides, her lips distracted me from the sentiments I intentionally run away from everyday.

I forced a laugh and patted her shoulder lightly.

"Well, isn't this tragic? Do me a favor, Clove. Keep your epiphanies to yourself, you hear? I'm off to bed. Good night." I said coldly, then stood up and walked away. My knees were wobbling. Stupid, this is the first time I can't walk straight. This sucks.

I reached the bedroom and slumped down on the bed, entirely spent. Life gave me my cards to deal with, there's no escaping that. I shut down everything. I'm good at shutting things down. Then suddenly there's nothing else. Just the Games and my winning it…

I was back in the Arena once more, finding it deserted. Where's Clove? I scanned the place and saw a small figure sprawled on the ground. No.

I ran across the field, feeling exposed and deflated. I reached her in a matter of seconds and knelt beside her. I reached out to touch her small, knife-throwing capable hands but stopped myself. I closed my eyes briefly, exhaled then silently walked away. Not long after, I think I heard the hovercraft. She's completely gone.

I tried to shut everything out, but every time I close my eyes even for just a split second, I find myself sitting beside her again, find myself hearing her rush of words.

Would it change anything if I let my walls down that night and just wrap my strong arms around her small frame? Because deep down, her words ring the truth about the both of us. I'm just too scared, too full of pride and sheer stupidity to admit it.

And… if I wasn't stuck in this hellhole just like her and everyone else, would we try our chance to love?

_This is for the best,_ I thought as the girl from 12 raised her bow and released her arrow to end my suffering after I said a low please.

At least, I wouldn't have to live my life faced with nightmares of Clove and how she'll never find her way to me.


End file.
